Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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