They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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