Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
