Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
