Sry I called you an 8
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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