You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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