he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
