Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
