Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
