I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
