there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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