I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
