he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Are we still banned from the library?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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