Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
