So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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