He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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