I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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