real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
