The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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