I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
