i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
