And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
