He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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