I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
