whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
