Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
