Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
