i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
