Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
