You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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