She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
