Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
