sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry about my life...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
