did you get engaged???
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
