my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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