Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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