EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
