"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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