Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
