youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
