my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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