if i can run in heels then i can drive
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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