She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
