This girl is more easily done than said...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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