not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
