my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
