He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
