Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
