he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
