Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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