Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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