idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
